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Hilarious Medical Dictionary!

COMPILED BY:

Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it but can't eat it.

Anally:  Occurring yearly
Artery:  Study of fine paintings
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria
Barium:  When C.P.R. fails
Bowel:  Letters a,e,i,o,u
Caesarean Section: District in Rome
Cataract: Stringed instrument
Cat Scan:  Searching for a pussy cat
Cauterize: Making eye contact
Colic:  Heavy alcoholic drinker
Coma:  Punctuation mark ","
Congenital:  Friendly
D&C:  Where Washington is
Diarrhea: Journal of daily events
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Fester:  Quicker
Fibula:  Small lie
Genital:  Very kind
G.I. series (gastro-intestinal):  A TV show starred by a bunch of soldiers
Grippe:  Suitcase
Hangnail:  Coat hook
High Colonic:  New Yorker's religious holiday
Impotent:  Distinguished
Medical Staff:  Doctor's cane
Minor Operation:  Digging for coal
Morbid:  Higher offer
Nitrate:  Phone cheaper than day rate
Node: To be sure of something
Organic:  Musical
Outpatient: Person who can't wait
Pap Smear:  Test for fatherhood
Pelvis:  Cousin of Elvis
Placenta:  Christmas flower
Post Operative:  Mail carrier
Prostate:  A government political activist
Protein:  Favouring young people
Recovery Room:  Place for lost-and-found items
Rectum:  Nearly killed them
Rheumatic:  Very loving
Scar:  Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion:  Hiding anything
Seizure:  Roman emperor
Serology:  Study of English Knighthood
Tablet:  Small table
Terminal Illness:  Airport / flight sickness
Tibia:  North African Country
Tumour: An extra pair
Urine:  Opposite of your-out
Varicose Veins:  Grapes veins very close to each

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Cooking Up A Storm !!!

At my new job there is a refrigerator in the kitchen. Most people put there lunches in the frig and I did too. After I finished my sandwich the first day, I noticed my dessert was missing. I was confused and really upset. I had baked some delicious goodies and I didn't want to think my co-workers were stealing my lunch.

The next day the same thing happened. I discretely asked the receptionist, the first person I befriended, what was happening. She said the Boss frequently raided the lunches of his workers and he simply refused to stop. Most people brought extra dessert or didn't use the frig at all.

Well, I don't make enough money to buy my lunch and I certainly wasn't going to subsidize his. On the way home that night I bought some cake mix and some extra strength chocolate laxatives. I baked the most beautiful looking cup cakes and topped them with 'extra strength' chocolate icing.

The next day I told everyone about my goodies and by 11:00 AM the cup cakes were gone. By 12:00 the Boss was gone too. He took an unscheduled half day vacation.

Since then the frig is safe territory.

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Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
 

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - I Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Office and Town

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout,  then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

DEPRESSION - Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia.  All is calm, All is
pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell...

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to
Me (and then took it all away)

Hilarious Technical Dictionary!